Thought flying Ryanair was tight? you may want to try that with a baby.
Just when you think you've managed to squeeze your butt + 1 between those armrests, and the little creature seems to be finally falling asleep, the perfume promotion sale is triumphantly announced over the ever so loud speakers system so the bargaining (tester spraying) fun can begin... "Calvin Klein's CKfree for men at 20€, Aria Missoni for lady, 100 ml -very nice, very soft- for only 10... yesterday was 75¡"... Can someone, please, buy the bloody thing and make her stop¡? thank god people's thirsty and the sales lady is pushed out of the isle, along with her mic, so the drink cart angels can sprinkle their alcoholic joy over us all. Some have learned to feel no shame while holding baby bottles in one hand and beer cans with the other, so when the infant's eyelids seem again to be finally giving in, true happiness seems to be at the tip of my fingers. But He works in mysterious ways and Ha¡ guess what? Is "scratch&win flying bingo" time and who knows? This may be your lucky day¡ We 're certainly lucky though... baby's keeping her cool and hasn't used half the deafening power her mini-lungs have proven to have in the past. She's undeniably bored, but has managed to keep herself entretained with only a rattle, and a puppet, and a ball, and a teedy bear... two plastic spoons, the diapers wrapping, the buckle of both of our seat belts, the mothers sunglasses case, and the now very revealing cleavage of her brand new round neck sweater; my keys, my hair, my nose, my eyeballs, my brains... with just that... no one in the plane can believe it. No one has ever seen a baby behave so well during a flight. Everyone has waved from their seats and blown kisses to my daughter. All passengers nearby have fallen for her. But the heart wants what the heart wants and she is drooling over the least sympathetic fellow on the aircraft: reasonable Vladimir Putin's look alike, ever frowning next seat neighbor. She wants to touch him, stretches out to reach for his lips. The guy, in a Ryanair plane, is as close as it can be, but manages to seem undisturbed. I wrestle with her, pin her down, and strap her on to my chest, with the baby carrier, so to keep it that way. She's standing on my lap, tap dancing on my lap, but besides her legs she can bearly move.
The image of Hannibal Lecter comes to mind.
I repeat to myself i was feeling lucky and blessed a minute ago. And yes, thought is 19:46 and 19:45 feels like an hour ago we're supposed to land at 20 sharp... We're suddenly in the dark, as it happens when the plane starts to descend. Baby has stopped. She's much too tired and will fall any second. I'd let her if it wasn't for how irritated i've seen her get when woken by sudden sounds and im expecting, i'm fearing, Ryanair's customary arrival's fanfare. I keep her awake. The wrestling goes on and the mother gets mad at me. We land and we are silently guided out of the plane by a Polish flight attendant. When we're about to step out of the aircraft the guy whispers: welcome to Warsaw....
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